Rain….looked upon as a sign of mercy from the Creator for it gives life to that which is dead and by the permission of our Lord allows vegetation to come forth. This was a constant reminder for me every time I complained about droplets that fell from the heavens. So it didn’t matter that my jelbab was wet, that driving back to visit my parents in Central Jersey was a nightmare, that not being able to open the windows for a breeze was possible; it didn’t matter for this Mercy was the same that fell on the Muslims in Badr.

But, what about the snow? Little did I know what the snow would bring in. Everyone was talking about it, the double snow storm to hit the Northeast and there was Abu Zayna bundled up to go salt what seemed to be the world Now what exactly did the snow bring in? Simple answer: (more…)

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Free Friday was highly appealing, a few hours in the company of friends, a break from Zam Zam, learning about the beloved Prophet (peace be upon him), and once again experiencing Durbah at it’s best. So with the green light from my better half and constant reassurances that he’d take GREAT care of Zam Zam, I bid a tearful goodbye to my baby and followed the path of ‘Ilm. Oh what a reunion, after having missed “Sacred Scrolls” it was nice to smell the Emanrush. “Where’s Zayna?” “You didn’t bring Zam Zam?” “We wanted to see your daughter!” Sigh, a fine welcome home it was The room was packed, sisters were all over the place, standing, sitting on chairs and the floor; young and old, veteran and new Al Maghribers alike were like sponges ready to absorb.

The class ended with the realization that I wouldn’t be able to take it; how could my 4 month old survive the day away from her accustomed surroundings?

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Zam Zam and I took a much needed vacation down south not too long ago. My precious three month old rode in an airplane for the first time. Unfortunately for her she slept the whole way there alhumdulillah I on the other hand went through the many dua I had in mind while traveling, all the while trying to get comfortable in the seat with Zam Zam on my lap.

Down south, where life is suppose to be easy, slow paced, and friendly I found myself yearing for home. It was the noise of the sirens and neighbors, along with the congestion of the people and houses back home that I missed. What was I thinking?! Was it even possible to miss the very same things I complained about? Allahu Alam

A week passed, slowly but surely, as Zam Zam and I packed our bags for our return flight home. Flight home…those words really made sense. My brother in law told me a story while I was visiting of some brothers in the community who were organizing a cemetary cleanup. The graveyard the Muslim community had purchased was being illegally used by others to plant Christmas trees even though people were burried there. Since the area was not maintained properly by the Muslims no one knew it was being used. So some men of the community went out to cut down trees and clean up the area. One brother had a difficult time getting people to volunteer. He would convince them by saying, “We’re cleaning up our home my brothers, it’s our final destination, only we are responsible for it.”

That story played over and over again in my mind on the flight back to Jersey. I realized I was homesick for the wrong home. As I looked down at the beauty I held in my lap I realized that any second now, or in our lives, both of us could pass away up in the sky, which seemed to be the most vulnerable of all places. Where would my home be then? The land we were flying over, the lakes, forest, roads etc? I was going home, but was what I thought of as home my real home? So many questions and only one answer:

“Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing).”

(Qur’an Al-Imran 3:185)

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Goosebumps, palpating hearts, droplets of sweat, anxious glances, and all this for the return of the fortunate few who spent two weeks with our honored Shayookh. Oh how I obsessed over the forums trying to read gems, memorable moments, or anything from friends who attended IlmSummit! Upon their return inboxes were flooded, cell phones began ringing, houses were visited, just to see the noor on the faces of those who learned something new. But, the question remained: When will you teach us?

Ibn Al Jawzee’s words resonate through the heart, “Be careful not to get busy with worship without knowledge, for many of the creation who were ascetics strayed from the path of guidance because they practiced without knowledge.   And hold yourself to account before every look, word, and thought, for you will be questioned about them.   And as much as you benefit from knowledge will those who listen to you benefit.  When the admonisher does not practice what he knows, his admonishment falls off the hearts just as water falls down a rock. Therefore do not admonish except with a sincere intention, and do not walk except with a sincere intention, and do not eat a morsel except with a sincere intention…”

Sit with us, speak to us, and teach us cries the heart to those who were chosen from all corners of the world to meet in one place, at one time with one common goal: Ilm

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                 Through the winding pathways of life one may find oneself at the doorstep of an utterly new experience which requires patient perseverance.  However, before they know it that once challenging experience has become a memory neatly categorized amongst the others of the past. From time to time one may sit back to reflect on those occurrences, their reactions, the outcome and ultimately what they would have done differently.  All of this prepares us for the next hurdle, in hopes of having better judgment, and consequently not repeating similar mistakes. But what of those who are in the moment of experiencing the new?

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